I have a lot of fears.
Some are rational, like spiders and being robbed and such, and some are completely irrational.
One of my biggest fears is that I am not enough. My feelings of inadequacy stretch into another fear: that I will never be fully loved. Of course I know that I am loved by my family, friends, and others who occupy my life. But truthfully, I'm terrified that nobody will ever fall in love with me because I'm not enough.
I fear that I am not pretty enough, not smart enough, not strong enough...simply that I am not enough. I also fear that I am too scarred, and too damaged.
Will someone ever be able to love all of me? The good, the bad, and the ugly?
Will someone be able to love me, even if I am depressed and anxious?
I play the "will someone" game a lot...too much. The truth is that someone already does love me and sees me as so much more than my ugliness and my sin. He sees me as redeemable, the greatest treasure, and He sees me as His beloved.
I am not shy that I am a Christian. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own path in this life and that choice should always be given, but my choice will always be Jesus.
He saved me. And the truth of the matter is that He loves me. He loves me fully, completely, and exactly as I am. One of my favorite bands is a worship band called Housefires (thanks, Maddi!). Their song "Joy" has one of the best lyrics of all time:
"There is beauty in my brokenness...I've got true love instead of pain."
We are all broken. This world is filled with ugly stuff, but we are all salvageable. God doesn't look at us and say "That McKenzie, she really disappointed me. Let's throw her into the trash pile."
No, God looks at us and says "Child, I love you."
The God who created the Universe loves me.
So from now on, instead of playing the game of "will someone," I play the game of "Yes, someone..."
Yes, someone loves me, and at the end of the day, that is really all that matters.
For I am my Beloved's, and He is mine.
"Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you." (Is. 43:4-5)